Reunion of Papa Bear
by queenofthebrokenhearts
Summary: five generals review the 4077 summary inside
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note

Hey Every body this is queenofthebrokenhearts, I just wanted to tell you about my new story 'Reunion of Papa Bear' this is a Hogan's Heroes X MASH crossover. For those of you who don't know what Hogan's Heroes is you can Google it, but I think I have done a pretty good job explaining throughout the story. So I hope you enjoy.

lovelovelove, queenofthebrokenhearts


	2. Chapter 2

Reunion of Papa Bear

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Colonel Potter, by a rule, was a very patient man; but every rule has an exception. Major Frank Burns was the exception to this rule. The man was completely incompetent as a surgeon and even more incompetent as a human being. This stunt took the cake, Major Burns had filed an official complaint with HQ about Captains Pierce and Hunnicut and now five review Generals were being sent to study MASH 4077 to see what should be done next. While Colonel Potter was thinking about this, Radar walked into the office talking a syllable ahead of the colonel as usual.

"Sir, I've sent for Hawkeye and BJ, and Majors Houlihan and Burns should be here any second," Radar said while sorting through some papers to be signed. Colonel Potter always wondered how the boy could follow orders before they were given. "Sir, the new guard Sergeant Shultz wants to speak to you, when can you see him?"

"How about tomorrow at 0800?" Colonel Potter replied, "That is right before he goes on duty, right?"

"Yes sir," Radar said. Colonel Potter started signing the papers placed in front of him. When Radar left BJ and Hawkeye came in and immediately made their way over to the liquor cabinet. As soon as the two had poured three drinks for themselves and Colonel Potter, Margaret and Frank walked in. The first looked strict and imposing and the second looked like he belonged in a ferret warren.

"Now that everybody is here," Colonel Potter began, "Major Burns, what is your complaint and why was it important enough to go over my head and register a formal complaint with HQ?"

"Colonel! How can you not see it?" Margaret replied for Frank as usual. "Pierce and Hunnicut are a complete disruption in the O.R. and Pierce dared to contradict Major Burns yesterday—"

"Really Frank haven't you heard of an inside voice," BJ chided.

"Quiet Hunnicut. And Margaret, he did exactly as he was supposed to!" Colonel Potter was on his feet shouting by this time, "Pierce is the chief surgeon and better on a bad day then Burns is on his best. Besides," his tone was patronizing now, "if MASH 4077 gets a bad review, then you and Major Burns will probably be split up. What do you have to say to that? HQ is sending five Generals, FIVE!! What do you say to that Major Burns?"

"I hereby withdraw my complaint Colonel," Frank whimpered.

"It's to late for that now, they should be here in—"

"Excuse me sirs and ma'am, two generals vehicles just pulled in," Radar said, coming through the office door.

"Happy now Burns?" Colonel Potter glared one last time before marching out of his office. Hawkeye blew a raspberry at Frank before following and BJ twiddled his fingers mockingly before leaving, also.

Colonel Potter was leaving his office when a jeep with General Flags pulled up. A short man in the French uniform stepped out, swearing profusely in French. His uniform was decorated in many World War 2 medals from every Allied country.

"Sir this is Colonel Potter, our Commanding officer," Radar introduced nervously. "Colonel, this is General Louis LeBeau from France." Colonel Potter saluted and the little man returned it lazily.

"Colonel Potter it is great to meet you," General LeBeau said. "Now I apologize for being rude, but what is that horrible smell?"

"North wind, cesspool; West wind, Rosie's Bar; South wind, latrine," Radar recited.

"The wind is from the East," the Frenchman replied.

"That, my dear general is the gourmet lunch that has been prepared especially for you and the other generals," Hawkeye said, butting into the conversation. "What do you say we are having Beej?"

"Hopefully not hamburgers again, those ones looked as though the lettuce had come already grown onto it. Hello General, I'm Captain BJ Hunnicut," but instead of saluting, BJ reached out to shake the man's hand. "And this is Captain Benjamin Pierce—"

"Hawkeye," the other man supplied, "After 'The Last of the Mohicans' the only book my dad ever read." Just then Frank, being Frank decided to butt in.

"General it is a pleasure to meet you. You know, I have never been to France before but I have heard a lot about it: is it true all frenchies are rude and inconsiderate?" Hawkeye, BJ, Radar and Colonel Potter were dumbfounded at the stupidity of ferret face.

Just then, another General's jeep pulled up and this time a tall black man stepped out. Colonel Potter noted that his uniform had the same medals as LeBeau's and made a mental note to ask about it later.

"Kinch! Oh this is merveilleux (1)!" General LeBeau exclaimed.

"LeBeau? Ha-ha it is you!" the American rushed over and wrapped the smaller man up into a large bear hug.

"Do you gentlemen know each other?" Colonel Potter asked.

"We were in the same prison camp during World War 2," Kinch said, releasing LeBeau.

"Oh that is just lovely General…?" Margaret faltered.

"General James Kinchloe, please just call me Kinch."

"General Kinchloe, I believe it would be better for everybody involved if you did not become familiar with Captains Pierce and Hunnicut…" Frank chided Kinch.

"Major I will do whatever I want, and seeing as I don't like you, I am going to make it a point to become friends with Pierce and Hunnicut—"

"Hawkeye"

"BJ" the respective captains supplied.

"Thank you. Anyways, Major do you understand my message?" Kinch glared at the cowering major idiot.

"Frank, why don't you go align the condiments again?" Hawkeye asked cheekily.

"Oh you guys!" Frank stamped his foot and huffed.

"Uh sirs, three more jeeps have pulled through the checkpoint," Radar interrupted, "Two American and an English one."

"Maybe it's Colonel Hogan and Newkirk!" LeBeau exclaimed, looking at Kinch.

"He would be a General now, too, don't forget Carter either" Kinch corrected.

"I know, but to me he will always be Colonel Hogan."

"Holy Cats!" Kinch yelled. "It's Burkhalter's niece!" LeBeau turned around and immediately started swearing in French, English and what sounded like German.

"Oh Klinger, that is a lovely dress," BJ started.

"But can you please, please go put on a slip, or at least not walk with the sun at your back?" Hawkeye asked.

"Sign my section Eight and I'll even put on pants," Klinger stated primly. Colonel Potter was looking heavenward, with his lips moving in a silent prayer.

"Thank god that is just a man. I thought that Burkhalter might have had another sister we didn't know about," LeBeau sighed with relief.

"I know," Kinch replied, "I wonder what happened to them."

"I saw Klink two months ago, he came to my restaurant, guess who he was married to," LeBeau was smirking.

"Who?" Kinch was curious now.

"A rich fraulein, a dancing girl no less."

"How did he get that? Most women only dated because of our needs for the uh…camp," Kinch finished lamely.

"Oh, Colonel the other three generals have arrived, two American and one English," Klinger said. After a few minutes wait, the three cars pulled up one after the other. LeBeau and Kinch took one look at the three men before rushing over to greet them.

"Oh boy! This is great! Just like old times, eh Louis? And Rob and Newkirk and Kinch, oh wow!" the youngest looking rambled excitedly. "The only people missing now are Shultz and Klink—"the other three generals rolled their eyes and looked at the dark haired American general with pleading eyes.

"Carter! Be quiet, please?" he said before turning to Colonel Potter. "I apologize Colonel Potter, Carter is a little boy at heart. Any ways this is General Newkirk and I'm General Hogan, we are here to inspect how the MASH 4077 works."

"Thank you General now this is—"but Colonel Potter was cut off by Radar shouting,

"Choppers!" the five generals looked confused and Radar shouted back over his shoulder, "Wait for it!" Hawkeye and BJ had already sprung into action and were heading up to the helicopter pad as the intercom sounded.

"You gentleman can either help or stay out of the way, but you need to decide fast," Colonel Potter barked sharply at the generals.

"I will go to the mess hall, Colonel, and make something edible," LeBeau headed in the direction of the mess.

"'E doesn't deal well with blood," Newkirk explained. "Now, what can we do to help?"

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"Captain, there are three more choppers coming after this one," the young pilot told Hawkeye. Gees the boy couldn't have been more then sixteen was the US army really that desperate that they would send children off to war?

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After seventeen long hours in the OR, the surgical staff made its way over to the mess tent for a—hopefully—edible meal of civil war leftovers. But they were met with a strange sensation as they smelled something… good.

"Hello, mes amie(2) would you like some stew, strudel, potato pancakes, and hot coffee?" every person—except for the generals off course—were shocked that there was something delicious in the mess tent. "I hope the food, is okay I did not have much to work with and the sergeant almost ruined the crust for the strudel. And the quality of this food is even worse than that of Stalag Thirteen."


End file.
